The Aftermath
by EternallyShandy
Summary: A collection of moments of each member of the team arriving home in the aftermath of episode 6x09. Each chapter will focus on a different character.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I have never been this affected by a character's death on a show before. While I have enjoyed the beautiful work by the wonderful authors on this site for years, I have never dared publish anything myself. However, I could not sleep until I got this out of my system. I keep reading online articles, hoping one of them contains even a hint that Sharon is not truly dead, but to no avail. I have an ending in mind that I would have loved to have seen played out on the show, but it lives only in my mind. The characters are obviously not mine, I just borrowed them to fix that awful ending. This is my first story (ever), so please be kind. Feel free to offer suggestions or something you want to see in future chapters.

 **Andy**

Numb. That's how he felt. He had a vague recollection of garbled voices sounding as if they were underwater, the pain in his arm followed by the hiss of a blood pressure cuff as a nurse checked him over. Apparently, someone at the hospital was worried about _his_ heart. He could remember sitting in a car watching lights pass by, but he couldn't remember how he ended up in Sharon's condo. His home. Someone was waving in his face and it startled him back into the present. "Andy, are you even hearing me?" Provenza was saying. "Huh?" Was all Andy could manage.

"I was asking you if you want to stay here or come home with me? If you and Rusty want to stay at my place for now, we need to get some things packed." Provenza's voice was gentle, full of pity. Andy looked around for Rusty, spotting him shuffling down the hall towards Sharon's room. "Give us a minute, Louie, I have to talk to the kid." Provenza nodded and stood by the door, a silent sentinel.

Andy walked down the hall, pausing outside Sharon's room. Rusty had already gone in and closed the door, probably to grieve in private. After taking a deep breath, Andy twisted the knob and opened the door. The first thing Andy noticed was the light. Rusty must have turned the lamp on because the light stood in stark contrast to the dark of the night, the darkness pulling at him from all around. He glanced around before finding Rusty in the closet. He had a discarded overnight bag at his feet and was gripping Sharon's robe. Andy watched silently as Rusty held the fabric to his face, breathing in the scent. A pang went through his body as he recalled Sharon wearing that robe in this room, telling Andy what the ER doctor had said.

"Hey, Rusty," Andy started, before he realized he had nothing to offer the boy. They were both in tremendous pain and nothing would make it better. Rusty looked up at Andy and held out the robe, understanding and an offering in his eyes. Andy took the robe hesitantly and cradled it to his body. Sharon's lingering scent triggered the floodgates, and Andy broke down. Before he knew it, he and Rusty were on the floor, chests heaving with sobs that only got more powerful. He reached out for the boy's hand and gripped it, an anchor in the storm of his emotions. After some time had passed and they had worn themselves out with their cries, Andy stood. He motioned towards the overnight bag and asked, "Do you want to stay with Provenza? I think I am going to stay here, but you are free to choose." Rusty shook his head and said quietly, "I wasn't sure what you wanted, you hadn't answered Provenza all night. I was going to pack you some clothes in case you decided to go with him."

Andy nodded and glanced toward the hallway, where Provenza had no doubt heard their painful sobs and wisely chosen to stay back. "I better tell him to get going, then. I'll be back in a minute, kid." And with that, Andy turned and walked out to speak to his oldest friend.


	2. Louie Provenza

A/N: Thank you all for your wonderfully kind words and reviews! I am so happy to see the names of some of my favorite authors I've read over the past few years show up in my inbox. Near the end of this chapter I mention a clip of Maya Angelou I watched on YouTube. It was a beautiful piece where she speaks of love and its purpose. I still plan to have a happy ending for my story, but remembering this clip has been comforting for me and I would recommend watching it. I will try to upload a chapter each night.

Provenza

He turned at the sound of footsteps in the hallway. He had heard the cries coming from the bedroom earlier, of course, but had decided to allow them privacy to grieve. Andy came into view, rounding the hallway to the foyer where he had been waiting patiently. Who knows how long Andy and Rusty had been in that room? "What's the verdict?" Provenza asked. "We're going to stay here for now," Andy replied. Provenza nodded and looked his friend in the eye. "Andy, if you two need anything, and I mean anything, do not hesitate to call me. I don't care what time it is or how stupid it seems, just please call me." Andy nodded and waved him off. "Yeah, yeah I will. Go home, Louie."

For every minute Provenza drove home, it felt like an hour. When he was finally home, he stood for a moment on his front porch, keys in hand. Before he could even find his house key, the door opened. Patrice was standing there, looking at him with concern. Wordlessly, she opened the door completely and watched as he approached her. When they were almost nose-to-nose, Provenza hugged his wife tightly, tears streaming down his face. Her arms went up automatically and stroked his back to soothe him. He had called her before taking Flynn home and informed her of the night's events. All he could think now was how relieved he was to be with his own wife. The grief over his fallen commander was there too, but it was manageable with the knowledge that Patrice was alive and well.

"Oh, Louie," Patrice said. "I dropped Andy and the kid off at their home. They didn't want to stay here with us," Provenza said. Patrice shook her head and placed her hand on his cheek. "Honey, of course they didn't. Andy just lost his wife. He couldn't bear to watch his best friend hold his own wife this close." Provenza hadn't thought of that. How could he be so stupid as to ask his best friend to witness the worst possible scenario? Andy's wife was gone, why would he want to see Provenza's wife? Provenza shook his head and muttered, "Andy loved her so much. He told me, you know, before his emergency surgery for that blood clot. If he didn't make it, I had a letter to give Sharon. I know Sharon loved him, too, how could she die like this? I don't understand." Patrice's eyes filled with her own tears as she imagined the deep grief Andy must be feeling. She seemed to recall something in that moment, because she tilted her head and began speaking. "I once heard Maya Angelou speaking about what love meant to her. She said that love doesn't tie you down. She had two stories about learning love from her mother, but what struck me was that when her mother was dying, that she told her that it was okay to go. She told her mother not to worry about who she left behind if she wasn't able to live on. She said that love is liberating. Her words were so beautiful and heartbreaking. I don't think Sharon and Andy's love tied them down, I think it was liberating. Sharon was in the best place of her life: she was happily married, her children had all earned college diplomas, and she had just been promoted. Maybe their love helped free her from the impossibility of continuing life. I know it hurts us and it isn't fair, but I can only hope that Sharon didn't die in fear."

Provenza nodded and covered her hand with his own. "Patrice, I love you. You have made me a better person and I am…so happy to have you in my life. I want you to know that whatever these next days bring, my love for you will always remain. Please don't let me lose what Andy just lost. I'm not freeing you from me just yet." Patrice's eyes filled with tears as she nodded and kissed him gently. They would face these dark days together, and they would make Sharon proud.


	3. Julio Sanchez

A/N: Thank you all for the continued support!

 **Julio**

Julio quietly opened his front door and peered in. No sight of Mark or his neighbor, who Julio had called in to babysit. He sighed in relief and closed the door, taking his jacket off and sitting on the couch. He couldn't bring himself to move from that spot until a soft voice penetrated his thoughts. "Hey, Julio, I didn't hear you come in. Mark is off to bed, so I'm going to get home myself now." Julio nodded, forcing a smile, and bidding her a good night. Just as the door clicked shut, Julio heard the excited patter of feet running through the house. "Julio, where have you been?! I wanted to wait up for you!" Mark was dressed in his pajamas and holding his favorite _Make Way for Ducklings_ book. When he saw the look on Julio's face, however, he stopped short. "Julio, what's wrong?"

Julio sighed and pulled Mark onto the couch next to him. "Do you remember my boss? You were the ringbearer at her wedding." He began. Mark nodded and smiled, "Yeah everyone was so happy that day. It was really nice of her to let me be part of the wedding, wasn't it?" Julio smiled sadly and nodded. "Yes, it was very kind of her. Sharon…was a very kind person, Mark." Mark frowned at the verbage. "Was?" Julio took a deep breath before continuing. "Mark, I'm home late because something happened today. Sharon had a heart attack at work. I tried to help her, but she didn't make it." Mark looked confused and shook his head. "But she just got married!" He exclaimed, as if that reason alone should have kept Sharon alive longer. "She just married Andy and they were really happy. They're supposed to live happily ever after, like in the movies." Julio's heart broke at the boy's innocence. "They did just get married, and they shared a lot of happiness together. I know it's sad and confusing to think they won't have happy moments anymore."

Mark shook his head vigorously and stomped his foot. "No! It's not fair! Sharon and Andy are supposed to live happily every after! They're supposed to grow old together and have grandkids and everything that old married people do!" Julio could no longer hold his tears back and as he wept, he looked at his foster son. "Mark, sometimes life isn't fair. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and we can't do anything about it. A lot of people are hurting right now, and we are some of those people. We knew Sharon and our lives will be better because of her. I just need you to understand that we won't be seeing Sharon anymore, and it might be a while before we see Andy again." Mark nodded thoughtfully and looked down. "When my mom died, I thought it was a bad thing. I was sad, but it turned out OK because now I live with you. Can this be something good, too? Do you think this could turn out OK, Julio?" Julio was at a loss for words, trying to think how his commander's sudden death could be a catalyst for good. He couldn't be sure, so he told Mark, "I don't know, Mark. It could turn out OK, and I love you for thinking that. I hope everything turns out OK." Julio had nothing to offer the boy but hope. So, he hoped with all his heart that things would somehow turn out all right.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I took one of the lines that Kathy uses from the latest WWSRD podcast. Those particular words are not my own.

Tao

He stood in his living room, looking at his wife as he tried to form words. Somehow, he was speechless as to the night's events. Kathy tried to ask him what happened that had him home so late with red-rimmed eyes, but he could only look at the beautiful woman who had given him a son. Kevin was in the other room studying for his upcoming test to get into the police academy. He should have known that Kevin would follow him, especially after Kevin had spent so much time with the squad that awful day several years ago when a father murdered his four-year-old. Kevin's look of awe and excitement had been the first hint that he wanted to be just like his dad.

Tao finally shook his head and walked to Kevin's bedroom. Kevin was sitting at his desk with his headphones in and books strewn about. Tao flipped the light switch to get his son's attention. When Kevin looked up, he smiled. "Hey, Dad," He said, pulling his headphones out. "Kevin, I want you to come out into the living room for a while. I need to talk to you and your mom." Kevin looked at his books doubtfully and glanced at his father, a question in his eyes. "Can it wait? I have to finish studying for this test, you know how important it is." Tao shook his head at his son and motioned for him to get up. "It can't wait, I need you out here now, please." Kevin sighed and held up a book. "Just give me five minutes and I'll go out, I promise." Tao's eyes snapped between the book Kevin was holding and his son's eyes. "No, Kevin, I will not wait five minutes. Do you remember my old boss, the Chief? She always asked her mom for five minutes until her mom died, and the Chief never found out what her mother wanted to discuss! Do you remember my boss, Commander Raydor? Julio wanted to speak with her tonight about something, but he can't. She doesn't have another five minutes because she's dead!" Tao's body jerked at the words, as if saying them aloud were physically repulsive. Kathy and Kevin looked at him in shock, hoping they had heard wrong. Tao shook his head and walked back into the living room, barely containing his sobs.

Kevin and Kathy followed closely behind him. He stood in the room, and even though family surrounded him, he felt so alone. When he heard the doctor's words, he had wondered to himself why the doctor had used such jargon in breaking the commander's death to so many people. He also wondered if that's how he came across sometimes, with his tendency to offer too much explanation and jargon. He looked to his wife and son and shrugged helplessly as he said, "She's gone. She was sick, and she was supposed to take a leave of absence after today. Can you believe it? Today was her last day of work…it turned out to be the last day of her life, too. She's just gone. And I don't know what to do. I don't have any explanations or fancy words for this. It just hurts." Kathy looked at her husband with sympathy and embraced him. She pulled away slightly to dry the tears on Tao's face and whispered, "You have such a big heart, Michael. You hide it with your fancy words and explanations, but you know love and empathy. You're hurting because you loved her. Because she turned your dislike of her into respect. The more you love someone, the more it hurts when they're gone. I know it's going to hurt for a while, and I know that you need to spend time with your own family right now after watching your friend lose his. We're here for you, honey." Kevin, who had been watching from a distance had transformed his look of shock to a look of understanding and love. His books could wait another five minutes. His family could not.t


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Since I was unable to post a new chapter last night, I posted two today.

Sykes

She pushed open the door to her apartment, jumping when it banged loudly on the wall. She quickly shut it and threw her keys in the general direction of her kitchen table. Instead of hearing the scrape of metal on wood, she heard cellophane. Confused, she turned her head and peered into the kitchen, surprised to find a dozen roses discarded and forgotten. "Cooper?" Sykes called out nervously, hoping there was no intruder. Cooper quietly walked into view with an apologetic look on his face. "I wanted to surprise you tonight, Amy. I bought these roses, had a whole dinner menu planned out and everything. I heard what happened to Sharon, and I scrapped the idea. I forgot to get rid of the flowers, though. I'm sorry." He extended his hand to her as an offering, glad when she took it.

Sykes gripped Cooper's hand and gave him a watery smile as she recalled the grip of Tao's hand in hers as the doctor had broken the news. Little did he know he had also broken the team, all of whom were emotionally shattered at the news. "I still can't believe it's real. She was so strong and determined, she can't die like this. She can't die now, not when she just got married. I keep thinking I'm dreaming, but I should be awake by now." Cooper listened and nodded, offering her support. He knew how much Sykes looked up to the Commander. He knew that her death would break Amy's heart. He pulled her close and kissed her head. He let her talk as much as she wanted, until her voice became hoarse, her breath became full of hiccups, and her tears were too powerful to allow talking to continue. When she took a ragged breath to steady herself, he got her a glass of water. As she sipped at it numbly, he picked up the roses from the table. How had a perfect night gone to hell so quickly? How would everyone get through the coming days? He shook his head and lifted the lid of the garbage can.

"Wait" He heard from Amy, standing to the side, and reaching for the bouquet. He handed the flowers to her wordlessly. She took them and held them to her nose, smiling slightly at the scent. She pulled a vase down from a nearby cabinet and filled it with water before placing the flowers inside. As Cooper walked up to her, she laid her head on his shoulder and murmured, almost to herself, "I need something beautiful to fight the ugliness I feel right now."


	6. Wesley Nolan

Wes Nolan

He sat on his couch, staring ahead at nothing. He had not known the Commander for long, but he had respected her almost immediately. She had certainly proved herself to be a formidable opponent during their very first case. She had looked a white supremacist in the eyes as the life drained out him from the bullet holes she had put in him. She was the kind of person who would put herself back together every time she had fallen apart, so how had this happened?

Wes looked around at his empty apartment and cringed. He had just gotten himself a new place to live after living undercover for so many years. Until now, he hadn't realized he possessed only the necessities. He only had his LAPD-issued sweatpants and T-shirt for pajamas, no other casual clothes to his name. He had burned every scrap of clothing from his time posing as a white supremacist. It occurred to him that his apartment had no signs of life. Sharon had been so full of life today, as if she somehow knew it would be her last day. The last smile she had directed at her husband was happy and appreciative. Her rage at the suspect had been so charged, as if she had all the energy in the world to have a shouting match with a murderer.

He shook his head, wondering how he could have been so wrong about how her health turned out. He was so sure she would be fine after her initial collapse. Instead, not even a month later, she was dead. Nothing about it seemed real, and the confusion sent tears to his eyes. He had not cried at the hospital, having been too shell-shocked to do anything but gape at the doctor.

He wondered, briefly, what Cami Page was doing now. He knew she wanted to remain professional, not that they were even dating. After tonight, nothing would be professional for a long time. The whole team was in deep mourning for Sharon, and the coming days would likely prove to be difficult to navigate.


	7. Cami Page

Cami

She wiped her eyes and reached for her phone. She wanted to call her Lieutenant so badly, but hesitated. She had known Provenza for years, and she understood his pain. She was so distraught over the death of her own family so many years back, and Provenza had been a rock for her. He was responsible for the fine detective she was today. She had gone straight to him once she saw him sink into the hospital chair, had grasped his hand in hers. She had known he would need comfort but wouldn't ask for it.

Her eyes stung with so many tears for all the people she grieved for. She wept for her friend, who had obviously gotten close to his boss in the last few years. She feared how he would react to this catastrophic event. She wept for her long-dead family, who she always thought of whenever she was faced with this kind of deep grief. And she wept for her Commander, who had died far too soon.

As her tears subsided once more, she picked up her phone and looked at her contact list. She wanted to call her dear friend and offer him words of comfort, but she knew his wife was more than capable of doing that very thing. She had not worked in the division long enough to offer anyone else comfort, she thought. Well, except one other person, perhaps. The detective who had joined the squad last year…he kept asking her out. She weighed her options carefully, thinking of all the moving pieces in her life. She had no family, had never dared to let anyone that close to her, lest she be the one left with the grief that Andy Flynn had to face now. She was also lonely, and had felt something warm and happy when she attended the wedding just a couple of weeks ago. Perhaps she did not have the luxury of time, as she had once thought. Perhaps she could end up the same way as Sharon, dead within a month of a relatively harmless diagnosis.

As she reached her conclusion, she took a deep breath and dialed Nolan's phone. There was no time like the present, after all.


	8. Andrea Hobbs

Hobbs

She sat in her kitchen, a bottle of wine and two glasses in front of her. She had bought the bottle on her way home from the hospital, it was Sharon's favorite. When the doctor had informed the squad of Sharon's death, she had turned her body away, as if it might stop the words from exiting the doctor's mouth. As if she could avoid the pain of losing her friend too soon.

An idea suddenly occurred to her. She got up and rummaged through her desk drawer until she held what she was looking for: a picture of her and Sharon at the wedding reception, just a couple of weeks prior. She had received it in the thank-you letter Sharon had mailed promptly after the wedding. She tucked the photo into a frame and placed it on the kitchen table. Then, she poured wine into both glasses and pushed one toward the photo. As she lifted her own glass, she began to speak.

"You were always so damn stubborn, Sharon. I had forgotten how unrelenting you could be until I started working with you. I sure liked you better when you were in IA! We would have each other over for dinner and we would talk for hours. Sure, you were a pain to go shopping with, but we had fun. Then, you took charge of Major Crimes and my headaches began. You were always right, though, about everything. You had a knack for solving crimes and negotiating the proper sentence." Hobbs took a drink from her glass and continued.

"You raised a fine son, Sharon. He is the best intern I have ever had, and I know it's because of everything you did for him. He is a wonderful young man, and I'm afraid he lost his mother again. You sure turned Flynn around, too. I'm worried for him, too. He kept asking me to pull the suspect out of your office because he didn't want the stress on your heart. I thought of your stubbornness when I held it off. I told him you needed more time, but I had no idea just how little time you had left." Hobbs downed the rest of her glass and refilled it. As she put the bottle back down on the counter, a sob escaped from her. And once the first sob was out, the rest came all at once. She clung to the counter as her grief overtook her. Fat tears rolled down her face as she came to terms with her friend's death.

Amid her cries, she shouted the fear that had been at the back of her mind since Sharon's collapse: "It's my fault, Sharon! I let Buzz put a murderer in your office and I let you question her! And even though I didn't have what I needed to prosecute her, I let you continue your rant. I should have done something differently! Maybe then you would still be here. I'm sorry, Sharon. I am just so sorry." Although Hobbs rationally knew Sharon's death was not her fault, she couldn't put the nagging fear out of her mind. She screamed in frustration and hurled her wine glass against the wall. She watched as it shattered and sent dark stains flying. She would clean it in the morning. For now, she was going to bed. As she left the room, she glanced at the wine she had poured for Sharon. It still sat next to the photo she had been talking to. She would dump the wine in the morning. Maybe she would buy a new bottle and pour some on Sharon's grave. But when Hobbs shuffled into her kitchen the next morning, the glass was empty.


	9. Buzz Watson

A/N: I know the direction I went with Sharon's tapes is firmly in A/U territory now that the contents have been revealed in the show. I wrote this chapter before the new episodes aired, and I stand behind my choice. I have a slightly different ending in mind, but I wanted to acknowledge the tapes in Buzz's chapter somehow. Thank you all for the continued support :)

Buzz

He had gotten a ride home with Julio and thanked him quietly for the favor. He regretted not having his own car now, having to ask for a ride when the team was still in shock. He quickly entered his home and went straight for his couch. His couch was his haven, the one constant in his life after all these years. When his father and uncle had been killed, Buzz had sat on this couch, wrapped in a blanket for days. When he moved out, his mother let him take it. He had sat on this couch after he arrested his father's killer, had wondered what he had just done to a happy family. He made the decision to sell his Prius while he sat on this couch. Yes, this couch had come to be his happy place. It was just what he needed now.

Buzz sat heavily on the couch and pulled a nearby blanket around his shoulders. For a while, he simply sat there and tried to process what had just occurred. Sharon Raydor-Flynn couldn't be dead. She had just found new reasons to live: a new husband, a promotion, a new threat in the form of Phillip Stroh. Okay, so maybe the reasons weren't all that great, but she had to live! He could feel fresh tears tracks forming their way down his face, crisscrossing the old ones that had fallen in Julio's car. As he shifted to wipe his eyes, he felt something poke into his side. Frowning, he pulled the offensive object out of his pocket. The envelope Sharon had given him. In his journey from the hospital home, he had forgotten all about it. With shaking hands, he carefully tore it open, trying his best to preserve the pristine condition, as if it could somehow keep Sharon here longer. He pulled out a note written in her perfect penmanship.

 _Buzz,_

 _I already told you that these videos are for your eyes only, but I need to stress the importance of keeping this information safe. Do not, under any circumstances, discuss this information with anyone, even if anyone asks you directly. I believe in you and I trust you._

 _Sharon_

Buzz's breath caught as he read the note several times over. He was trustworthy, sure, but this seemed strange to him. There were three lieutenants in the squad and three detectives on top of that. Provenza was next in charge, why couldn't she trust him with this secret information? He got up in search of his laptop and brought it back to his couch. With a deep breath, he inserted the disc into his computer and began the first video. He hit the pause button immediately, fresh tears springing anew as he saw his Commander's face fill the screen. As he composed himself somewhat, he hit the play button again, his eyes transfixed to the screen.

 _Buzz,_

 _I suspect that if you're watching this, something terrible has happened. I have spoken with my doctors and we have agreed on a course of action that is bound to set off a chain of events that was going to happen eventually. Considering my recent health problems, we agreed it was best to have these events occur sooner. My heart could stand to lose this stress. I think I am going to die today, but I need you to understand a few things. The first is something that you suspected already, that Phillip Stroh is making his way across the country to LA. His intention is no doubt to kill my son, and I will not let that happen. The second thing is that I am in a better place now. I truly am. Because the third thing you need to understand is that even though I am going to die today, I am not going to stay dead. My heart will cease in my office, this much I know. An ambulance will be on standby in the general vicinity to transport me to the hospital, where my doctor will tell the squad the truth: that my heart cannot beat on its own. What he will not tell you is that I will be in an operating room receiving an emergency transplant. My heart will never beat again, but the intention is that I will have another heart to do that very soon._

 _I know how this sounds, Buzz, but I need you to do me some favors. When you covered for Julio, I saw how dedicated you are to this job, and I knew you were the one to trust with this knowledge. I need someone in the team to know so that they can be a rock for the others, because they are going to need your help. I need you to watch out for my team, but I also need you to feed them information. I know who Phillip Stroh is going after before he comes for my son. I know the team will sort it out eventually, but I need it done quicker. I know Rusty's murder map is thanks to you, so I know you would have found all of this anyway. When Stroh learns that I am dead, he will jump on the chance to kill Rusty and he will make mistakes. Look for those mistakes, Buzz, and look for Mrs. Betchal. She is integral to this case, because I think she is his mother._

 _Once you can retain this message in your memory, destroy this tape. The second video is my last will and testament, in case this plan goes horribly wrong. You may copy that onto a separate disc, but this needs to be destroyed forever._

 _I trust you, Buzz. You are the right man for this job. Good luck._

Buzz gaped at the screen as he tried to wrap his mind around what he had just heard. Not dead? Sharon could still be alive, hiding in the hospital? Buzz made quick work of transferring the second video to another location and watched the first recording until the sun came up in the morning. When he was sure he had everything in his memory, he pulled the disc and put it in his blender. He watched as the pieces flew around the glass container, and dumped the contents into his kitchen sink. He looked around his kitchen before pouring some alcohol in the sink and lighting a match, just to be sure the job was well done. As the flames danced on his face, he told himself that he would follow his Commander's orders exactly and that he would get this right.


	10. Rusty Beck

A/N: Silly me, this chapter was supposed to be posted right after Provenza's, but I messed that up. Both Rusty and Andy will get another chapter, so this one isn't the main chapter I have in mind for Rusty. There will be about three or four more chapters after this, all from Rusty and Andy's points of view. Thanks for the continued support!

Rusty

He sat on Sharon's bed as he waited for Andy to return from turning Provenza away. He had taken Sharon's robe back from Andy and was holding it against his body. His eyes and throat were still irritated from the breakdown he had just had on the floor. He had held it together until now, in the privacy of home. He knew that he needed to look after Andy. He had a bad heart, too, after all. When the doctor had quietly told the two of them the news, it was all he could do to support Andy, to shove his own pain away to make room for another's grief. He had learned it from Sharon.

He craved his mother's comfort. Today was full of emotions with depths he had never experienced before. He had never been so proud and happy as when he recalled with Sharon that he came to her to find his mother and found her instead. He had never been so scared as when he was being pulled from Sharon's office, begging her doctor to help her and crying out for the woman who had become his mother. He had never felt so desperate as he had when he reached out to Gus in the hospital. He didn't know why, but he embraced him as soon as he arrived. And when the doctor had broken the news that Sharon was gone, he had never felt so empty and awful. Yes, today was a first for these emotions Rusty experienced. He needed his mother to soothe him and will his despair away.

Rusty realized suddenly that as he recalled the swirl of emotions today had brought, he had lain down on Sharon's bed. He heard the soft click of the bedroom door, knew it was Andy, but refused to move. Soon enough, he felt the mattress shift as Andy sat on the other side of the bed. "You can sleep here tonight, Rusty," Andy whispered. "I'm not ready to stay in this bed yet, not without my wife." Rusty nodded as more tears leaked from his eyes. He did not move as Andy got up, patted his arm, and walked to the bedroom door. And he did not say a word after Andy told him to come get him if he needed anything.

He wasn't sure how long he lay in the fetal position, clutching Sharon's robe. He closed his eyes and breathed in her lingering scent. He could almost pretend she was here and comforting him. When it became too painful to pretend Sharon was present, he threw the robe on the floor and rolled over. As he lay facing the wall for hours, he watched as the sun came up. He did not move for hours as he watched the shadows move across the wall as the sun set again in the late afternoon. He couldn't bring himself to do anything as he lay in his misery. He just wished that Sharon were here.


	11. Andrew Flynn, Revisited

A/N: Sorry for the formatting error earlier, hopefully this one looks better!

Andy

He sat on the couch and stared at the laptop Sharon had used to watch the interview of Stan Pearl. His breath caught as he recalled their conversation that night. "I would go through all this over and over, Sharon," he whispered now, "If I meant that I could get one more chance to hold your hand, to be near you. I would do anything to see your smile again. Please come back to me, Sharon, I can't lose you now. I'll do anything to get you back, anything." Andy couldn't bring himself to continue as he began to cry again. The broken, desperate sobs of a shell of a man filled the empty room. He picked up a nearby pillow and held it to his face as he screamed, letting his anger and pain out without alerting Rusty. When his throat was too raw to continue, he held the pillow to his chest and leaned back into the couch.

He sat there for hours, staring blankly at the wall, but not seeing anything. A soft knocking sound interrupted the silence. Andy looked toward the door, noting that the sun had risen sometime as he sat unmoving. When the knocking persisted, he rose and went to open the door. He blinked in surprise as he stared at Julio's face, Mark's peering out from behind Julio's back. It wasn't exactly a mirror to his own pain, but he recognized the upset in the other man's face. Wordlessly, he stood aside as Julio and Mark carefully shuffled inside, carrying a casserole.

"Where have you been?" Julio asked quietly. Andy shrugged and gestured to the couch. He couldn't say that he had lost several hours of time staring at the wall. "We've all tried calling you," Julio continued. As soon as Julio mentioned it, Andy recalled an annoying ringing coming from the foyer. He glanced at the little table and saw his phone there, battery drained. Had he put his phone there last night? He couldn't recall.

"I'm really sorry about Sharon, Andy," Mark said earnestly. Andy nodded and tried to smile his thanks, but failed. "Mark, why don't you go on down the hall and find Rusty, I bet he could use you right now," Julio said quietly. Mark nodded and quickly left the two men, looking for Rusty.

Julio opened his mouth, but hesitated. Andy didn't want to talk, but he nodded at the man to speak whatever was on his mind. "I lost my wife about ten years ago," Julio began. "I know the circumstances were different, but I understand the pain you're feeling, Flynn." Andy had known, of course, of Julio's wife's death. He had not known, however, that she had been pregnant at the time. He only found out when Julio told the squad.

Julio continued on, "Sharon was an amazing woman, Flynn, and she will be missed. We all loved her, and I wanted to talk to you about what's going to happen. When my wife died, I was numb. I think her funeral came and went before I finally felt something. I was deeply sad, of course, but I was also mad. I was so mad at everything! I wanted there to be a culprit to blame, so I found one. I blamed her doctor, but I took it out on everyone around me. I roughed up some suspects, as you know, and I yelled at my mom a lot. I was hard on my brothers, and I think I said something horrible to Oscar after he got shot. I let my anger get the best of me. It swallowed me whole, and I lost myself trying to find my way back again." Julio paused as his eyes filled with tears at the memories following his wife's death. "Sometimes I see some of myself in you, Flynn. Don't end up like me. Her memory deserves better."

For the first time in hours, Andy spoke. "I heard once that there are stages to grief. I think I heard it on a case…some shrink, or something said it. I tried bargaining with a ghost last night. Didn't work out for me." Julio looked unsure of his next words, but he said them anyway. "It's going to be all right, Flynn." Andy jerked away and glared at Julio. "No, it isn't! I told Sharon the same thing! I told her everything would turn out fine and look what happened! I told her we weren't going through anything, but now I'm going through the worst possible pain of my life! I can't breathe, Julio. I can't get her out of my head. This isn't all right. What am I going to do without her? What am I going to do?" Andy broke down again, hands over his face as his body shook in gut-wrenching agony. Julio watched his friend with empathy. He seemed to have hit the anger stage, but he was also beginning to accept that Sharon was gone. He waited as Andy composed himself, wiping his red-rimmed eyes and facing Julio once again.

Julio met Andy's gaze, two haunted men with heavy emotional baggage. In this moment, the two of them understood each other on such a level that they did not need words to communicate. Julio nodded once, and put his hand on Andy's arm. Julio was not much of a hugger, he had only allowed Sharon to embrace him after being shot, but he knew Andy did not need his embrace right now. Julio inclined his head toward the hall, and Andy understood. He nodded and turned away, starting down the hall to talk to Rusty. Julio stepped back, going into the kitchen to wait, just in case either man needed anything.


	12. Rusty Beck II

Rusty

He heard the door open and he turned, seeing Mark standing sheepishly in the doorway. "Can I come in?" he asked. Rusty nodded and sat up, turning to face the boy. He patted the bed, and Mark carefully climbed up. For a moment, they sat next to each other silently. "My mom died, too," Mark said suddenly. Rusty looked at the boy, but Mark looked straight ahead, trying to sort out his thoughts and memories. "She was nice, and we had fun together. She promised me she would come back for me, but she didn't. I was sad and scared when I found out. I bet you're feeling the same way right now." Simple words for the overwhelming emotions he felt, but yes, Rusty was sad and scared. "I never knew my dad. I don't even know if he knows about me. It took me a long time to realize it, but I have one now. Julio is like my dad, and he takes care of me like my mom would have. I know you're sad right now, but I wanted to tell you that even though I love my mom and I miss her, something good happened." Mark trailed off, unsure of his attempt at consoling Rusty. He looked up, meeting Rusty's eyes, another boy who had lost his mother and had no real father. "Andy's a lot like Julio. I bet he's gonna take care of you, too. It's OK if you still feel sad for a while; it just means you loved her a lot. I asked Julio if I could talk to you today. I wanted to cheer you up, but I know that won't happen for a while."

Rusty smiled kindly at the boy. He was so full of innocence, so eager to offer comfort to others. He wrapped his arm around the boy and said, "Thanks, Mark. I know you miss your mom, but Julio is great, too. I appreciate you coming to see me today. Sharon was great, too, like your mom. I did love her a lot." Both boys looked up as Andy entered the room.

Mark scrambled off the bed and left the room to find Julio. Before Rusty could say anything, Andy began speaking. "Julio brought a casserole over for us. It's like a tradition, I think. When something bad happens to someone, everyone brings over a casserole. By the end of the week, we'll have enough food for an army." Rusty nodded and gestured to the bathroom. "We should probably clean up a bit before we eat. Do you want to get in there first?" Andy looked to the master bathroom and shook his head. "I think I'm going to use the other bathroom if that's all right with you." Before he turned away, he paused. "I'm sorry that I didn't come check on you. I was selfish, and I didn't even think of anyone else besides myself. I was never that great at that stuff." Rusty shook his head and hurried to explain, "It's fine, Andy, I should have checked on you, too. Sharon was always better at that. We'll just have to be better at it. We have to take care of each other now. Go get cleaned up and we can talk later." Andy nodded and gathered a change of clothes before disappearing into the second bathroom.

As Rusty entered the master bathroom, he immediately regretted it. Sharon's things were everywhere, as if she had expected to return home and use them again. Her brush sat on the sink next to her lotion. Her towel was still hanging over the shower rod, and Rusty froze in place as he was faced with removing bits of his mother from this room. Not that the items would leave, but it felt like moving the things she touched would be like removing her completely. He understood why Andy hadn't wanted to come in here. He quickly left the bathroom, heading straight for the kitchen, where he almost ran into Julio.

"Hey, kid," Julio said. He was holding a stack of plates and utensils. Rusty held out his arms. "I'll set these on the table. You can grab the food." As Rusty set the table, he heard Andy enter the room. His eyes still looked bloodshot, but he looked slightly better. He looked toward the table, where Rusty, Mark and Julio were placing the dishes for dinner. Everything about this house was full of last memories. Rusty knew that Andy was thinking of the last meal they had eaten with Sharon.

"Thanks for bringing this food over, I didn't even think of eating," Andy said. As if on cue, his stomach rumbled loudly. Rusty's traitorous stomach grumbled in agreement. Rusty heard a snort and looked around. Mark had a hand pressed to his face in horror, as if he had violated something sacred. Rusty offered him a small smile. "It's all right. She would have thought it was funny, too." Together, they sat down and began eating the food. No one spoke, but the silence was peaceful.


	13. The Talk

Andy

After dinner, Julio made quick work of cleaning up and leaving, Mark in tow. He reminded Andy and Rusty that if they needed anything, to call any of the squad. Andy nodded and sent Julio on his way. He suspected that other members of the team would be showing up with food and offering the same support.

Andy and Rusty remained at the table, both silently looking at each other. Andy swallowed hard and began speaking. "I know she meant different things to each of us. She was your mother, and she helped make you into the man you are today. She did that for me, too. I used to be different before you met me. She changed that, even though I couldn't stand her at first. Whatever comes next, know that she loved you, kid. She always loved you, long before you loved her. We're both better men because of her. I don't know how the squad is going to react, but I can feel this darkness seeping into everything. I'm afraid of what we might become without her guidance."

Rusty's eyes grew moist again and he nodded. "She made everything better, didn't she? I could tell the whole squad hated her when she took over Major Crimes. But she made you better detectives and she made you better people in general. I know what you mean about the squad. You've known them longer, but I worry what will happen to everyone now, too. She was a lot of things to a lot of people. I told her something right before…I told her that I went into her office looking for my mom and there she was. I've lost two mothers now, Andy. I feel that darkness you mentioned. Part of me wants to give in to it, but I know she wouldn't want that."

Andy reached across the table and grasped Rusty's hand. "I know what you mean, kid. I want to give up, too. I've lost two wives now, like you lost two moms. I don't know what else I can take now. What am I supposed to do about arrangements? What about her funeral? I can't give a eulogy about my new wife. I can't clean out her office and pack her things away. I don't know what I'm doing!" Andy grew more panicked as he spoke, thinking of the things he had to take care of now, and quickly.

Rusty gripped Andy's hand tighter and looked him in the eye. "You don't have to, Andy, at least not alone. I'll help you out, I'll take some time from the internship with Hobbs. I can clean out her office and I'll help write the eulogy. Or we can ask Provenza to do it now that he's in charge." Rusty stopped speaking abruptly and looked away, shame coloring his face. "It's all right," Andy said quietly. "He's in charge now. She left him command of the division when she told Mason she was taking a leave of absence." Rusty looked upset, but he nodded all the same. "What I should have said was that you don't have to do this alone, Andy. That was something else she did; she built a team. She helped integrate Amy, Wes, and Cami so that they worked seamlessly with everyone else. She made us a team, too. So, you aren't alone. We'll do this together."

Andy nodded slowly. He sat up straighter, squaring his shoulders with steel resolve in his eyes. Rusty was right, they were a team. Whatever the coming days brought, they would face it together.


	14. Rusty Beck, final

A/N: There will be one last chapter after this. I couldn't post a new chapter last night, so there will be two updates today.

Rusty

He watched as the emotions played out on Andy's face. When they had begun the conversation, Andy's face was flat, as if he were still detached from this tragedy. When they had begun sharing their memories of Sharon, his face grew wistful and loving. Rusty's heart ached when Andy's face contorted in unbearable pain, faced with the thought of burying his newly wed love. At the thought of love, Rusty groaned in frustration.

"What is it?" Andy's voice interrupted Rusty's thoughts. He shook his head and muttered, "I don't know why I called Gus last night. I had kept telling him to stay away from me and then I go and call him the moment the shit hit the fan." Andy's face turned disapproving, and Rusty knew it was his language that Andy was frowning at. Sharon had disliked his colorful vocabulary as well. "Why do you think you called him?"

Rusty paused at the question, unsure of his own emotions and thought process at the time. He had been so desperate, so scared for his mother's well-being, that he hadn't thought of his actions when he dialed Gus. "I guess it was just my gut-reaction. I hadn't been that upset or desperate in so long that I forgot I didn't have a partner to lean on. I can't believe I called him, but I also can't believe that…well, that I almost cried in front of him." Andy tilted his head questioningly and Rusty sighed before explaining. "I don't like to cry in front of people. I guess Sharon never told you, but I ran away from you that night my mom stood us up at the bus stop because I didn't want you to see me cry. I almost cried in front of Gus last night, right before Dr. Torres came out." Rusty huffed and crossed his arms. "He's probably going to start bugging me again, thinking I want to get back together."

"Do you?" Rusty looked at Andy in bewilderment, but Andy simply shrugged. "She would have asked," he said quietly. Rusty looked away and sighed. "I loved him. When I was moving Sharon Beck out, I told him how I felt. He knew I loved him and he still slept with his boss. How messed up is that? I can't trust him anymore, not after that." Rusty met Andy's eyes and found sympathy. It was a strange experience, talking to Andy about this and feeling good about it. He used to talk to Sharon about this stuff, but he guessed he had to make a habit of leaning on Andy now. "Sometimes, it isn't about trusting someone again." Andy tilted his head and spoke slowly. "I got cynical after so many years on the job. I saw far too much ugliness and I became convinced the world was evil. Sharon changed that about me, too. She always saw people as they best they could be, always encouraged them to be better than they were. I think she would have wanted you to forgive Gus. Maybe not get back together, but forgive him and let that anger go."

Rusty nodded and swallowed hard. He knew Sharon had the highest hopes for everyone, he just couldn't bring himself to do something so big when he was still feeling so small, so lost. It would have been easy for her to forgive, she had done it a thousand times over with Jack. "I know we haven't really had a lot of heart to heart conversations, Andy, but thanks for tonight. It felt good to talk." Andy simply smiled and said, "See? We're already getting better at this 'taking care of each other' thing."


	15. Andrew Flynn, Final

Andy

They had been talking for hours, lost in time and memories. He and Rusty now stood behind the couch, facing the hallway leading to the bedrooms. "Where do you want to sleep tonight?" Andy asked quietly. "In my own bed," Rusty answered. "I didn't get any sleep last night, I think I just need the familiarity with my own room right now." Andy patted Rusty on the back and said, "You know, you can ask me for anything, kid. I promised Sharon I would look out for you if…Well, anyway, just yell for me if you need me." Rusty agreed and went into his room, quietly shutting the door. Andy made his way into the master bedroom, the memory of last night's events still painfully fresh in his mind. He climbed into bed, thinking he wouldn't be able to sleep. But his eyes closed almost immediately.

He was dreaming, he knew it. He had to be dreaming. His senses were being painfully assaulted. Not physically painful, but emotionally devastating. He could hear the soft hum of his beautiful wife nearby. He could even hear when she paused to inhale. He could also swear he felt soft fingers stroking his face, a warm hand holding his own. Craving a moment of comfort, he turned his face into the soft touch. The hand on his face ceased its motion, and he immediately knew he had messed up. He shouldn't have moved; shouldn't have broken whatever sweet spell this was. He had just wanted to feel his wife's comfort once more. But, then he heard it. A ragged whisper and a question, "Andy?" It was her voice, the voice of an angel. He could feel tears building under his eyelids, and he slowly opened his eyes. He blinked several times to adjust, but he saw the most wonderful and perfect image: Sharon, leaning over him with a look of relief and love in her eyes.

"Sharon?" Andy whispered. His throat was aching. "Here, have some water, honey." A cup of water appeared in his hands, and he slowly sipped it. As he looked around, his confusion deepened. He was in a hospital room, laying in a bed. He and Sharon were wearing matching gowns. What had happened? Sharon took Andy's hand again and sat down in a nearby chair. "You've been here for a week, Andy, you collapsed." Andy stayed still, trying to take in the information he could gather. A week? "Sharon, what happened? I thought you…" Andy trailed off, unable to bring himself to say the words aloud.

Sharon's face filled with sadness. "I did, Andy. My doctor and I had a plan, but things got complicated. My heart was in worse condition than we thought, and for a minute…well, I really was gone. Dr. Torres didn't lie when he gave you the news, but he must have felt terrible. We had a plan, and things just didn't work out. He thought I was dead, too, but the other doctors managed to get me on bypass while he was in the waiting room with you. You collapsed and hit your head on the floor. You've been sedated for a week because your heart was acting a little crazy, too." Andy shook his head to clear it. "So, you're not dead?" Sharon slowly shook her head and explained, "Buzz has some tapes explaining everything, but I'm not dead. I needed everyone to think I was, but I got an emergency transplant." She pulled her gown from her neck and showed Andy the healing scar where her chest had been cut open. "I've been staying in the same room as you for the past week in hopes you would wake up. I just needed Stroh to think I was dead, so he would make his move and get himself caught again. And then I needed you to come back to me."

Andy looked down, putting all the pieces together to form the big picture. "Did it work?" He asked, hopeful that he didn't need to keep this secret from the squad. Sharon gave a sheepish smile and tilted her head from side to side. "Yes and no. As it turns out, we got lucky. Stroh was already closer than we thought, and Gus has a hidden acting ability. While the squad was freaking out over my supposed death and your collapse, Rusty blurted something to Gus about not being able to deal with any escaped serial killers now. That's when Gus told him that he had seen Stroh at his work that night. He had been asking Gus questions about Rusty and had mentioned wanting to return to the restaurant. Once Gus made a statement with the squad, it was just a matter of filling the place with undercover police officers and waiting. Sure enough, Stroh returned a few days later. He tried attacking one of the officers and was shot dead." Andy's face grew increasingly incredulous as Sharon spoke. "So, everything was a dream? I never went home without you, I never had to go to bed without you? It felt real, I could even feel and hear the blood pressure cuff and everything."

Sharon shook her head. "I'll bet the blood pressure cuff wasn't just a dream, the doctors were really concerned for your heart and took your pressure several times. I had strange dreams, too. One night, I dreamt I drank a glass of wine with Hobbs. I think she was yelling at me about something. I dreamt about a lot of the squad members, actually."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Stroh was dead? Sharon was alive? Andy shook his head and let fresh tears course down his cheeks. He looked at her right then, full of anger as he continued processing what she had told him. "So, you thought your best course of action was to die? To let the whole squad think your heart gave out and you were gone forever? Jesus, Sharon, you could have drawn Stroh out differently! How could you possibly think this plan was all right? Do you have any idea how much pain you have probably caused everyone?!" Sharon's eyes filled with tears at Andy's words, but she shook her head and remained silent. Andy shook his own head and turned away in a huff. "I'm in a hospital bed because of you, Sharon. I thought you had died and my heart couldn't handle that stress. Did you even think of how it would affect me? What about the rest of the squad? They care about you, too, they would have been devastated!"

Sharon's breath caught as she inhaled and tried to speak. "Andy, my love, I am so sorry. You're right, I shouldn't have done this to you or to anyone. I was just so upset at everyone being so worried about me that for a second, I truly thought it would be better for everyone if I was dead. That thought stayed with me and I ended up mentioning it to Dr. Torres. I don't know how we ended up with this plan. You're right, the squad was upset with me. I spoke to them after they caught Stroh, and Provenza and I had some words. I regret every second of pain I have caused you, Andy. I'm sorry I had a bad heart, I'm sorry I lied to you, and I am just so sorry."

He covered his face with his hands as Sharon tried to soothe him. "It was awful, Sharon. It was… a sea of anguish and despair. It felt like I was drowning in it, the weight of the ugliness crushing my chest. I begged for one more chance to see you and it worked. You're here! And you are more beautiful than ever."

Andy let out a shaky breath and opened his arms. Without hesitating, Sharon embraced him tightly. He inhaled her scent and swore that he would never go back to the dark place he dreamt of, a place of unspeakable pain. And when they pulled back from each other, he took the opportunity to tell his wife he loved her more than anything.

A/N: This is the final chapter of this story. I didn't want to use the "just a dream" deus ex machina, but I am still desperately (stupidly) hoping against all reason that the final episode will feature the happy ending fans and Shandy deserve. In my mind, I wrote the character's chapters as actual events rather than dreams, with the exception of Andy. Thank you all for the support you have given me over the course of this story! I have enjoyed reading fanfiction as a guest over the last several years, but I have been especially happy to see some favorite authors leave reviews on this story. I hope to continue writing in the future (hopefully with a better thought-out ending), but I look forward to the countless stories I will consume from everyone on this site. Thank you all.


End file.
